Ditch “Stay in your lane” backlash: How to change lanes in work, life, art, etc.
You don’t always have to “stay in your lane” because sometimes the lane you’re in doesn’t get you where you want to go.
As someone who has done many different types of art, craft, work, etc. with varying degrees of depth. I generally don’t hold with “stay in your lane” nonsense.*
Mixed-media, cross-pollination, creating in the space where two fields overlap, having a wide range of interests and disciplines, all create some magnificent works.
It is also true that people tend to get confused (at best) when you try to change lanes. “Stay in your own lane” is a common criticism.
But the reality is, sometimes the lane you’re in doesn’t get you where you want to go. If you’re driving in the middle of the highway, and you want to exit, you need to change lanes.
From my experience, “stay in your lane” is most often said almost automatically as a reaction to change, and sometimes to try and keep people in their place.
Sometimes it’s said in a “I liked what you were doing, please don’t change” way. Sometimes it’s said in a “how dare you try something different” way. Some people are protective of their lanes and don’t want others entering. Sometimes it’s said for no reason other than that’s what they say when someone tries something new.
But some people manage to change lanes in their business, their life, their art, etc without getting too much of this blowback. They might hear “this new direction isn’t for me” or “I’ll stick with your older works” or “I’m not so sure about this.” But less reactionary “stay in your lane.” How might that be?
Because there’s a skill to changing lanes. Whether in your creative process, life, business, or anything really (including highways).
So how do you change lanes without causing a metaphorical road hazard? Here’s how I think about it:
1. Understand the landscape. What lane are you currently in? Where are you trying to go? How far away is it? Why are you trying to get there? Get clear about the landscape first. It makes the rest of the process a lot easier.
2. Understand the conditions. Who else is on the road? How crowded is it? How large a gap do you need? How frequently do those gaps appear? How angry is someone going to be if you merge too close to them? The conditions don’t need to be ideal, but you do need to understand them.
3. Signal and look for the opening. This part might be the most important and also the most overlooked when changing personal or professional lanes. Surprises are not always appreciated.**
4. Get it done. This is why step 1 is so important – knowing where you are, where you’re trying to go, and how to get there, helps you stay focused. You can always change back to your previous lane, but driving in between lanes is not cool.
If you change lanes badly and people will be (understandably) confused
When we’re driving and change lanes improperly, we understand that’s on us. But we don’t apply the same understanding to changing lanes in our business, our art, our life, and then get annoyed when people are confused.
If the people yelling at us are in the metaphorical car with us, it’s because they don’t know where we’re going anymore.
If the people yelling at us are in the lane we’re merging into, it’s because they also don’t know where you’re going or what you’re doing.
If you decide to change lanes in your business, or life, or art, etc. without understanding the landscape, without understanding the conditions, without signaling and looking for an opening, and then half-ass it, don’t be surprised when there’s backlash.
*The types of projects I’ve done include: theater, writing, lifestyle, designing, business, fiber arts, etc. (many of which have been documented here over the years.)
**Some people don’t even like change they know is coming. (See: Taylor Swift’s career and The Life of a Show Girl discourse.)
Photo by Denys Nevozhai on Unsplash
Hello October 🎃 Sweaters, Halloween, Fall and more!
It’s October and so the Halloween anticipation begins!
I’ve already gotten one “I saw this Halloween decor and thought of you, would you like me to pick it up for you?” text and I am delighted. (It’s a candle shaped like a black cat, and a tea candle holder shaped like a spider, if you were curious.)
If Halloween isn’t your vibe, I hope you’re at least enjoying the anticipation of sweater weather. It’s still a little too warm for sweaters here, but I’m not complaining. As a wise friend says “you win some, and you win some more later.”
I have a few updates!

New posts for you:
- Is writing about writing still writing?
- Closet like a hotel? Then you’ll never have cohesive style
- First glimpses of fall
I’ve also been more active on SubStack notes. It’s been fun writing in more micro-form. If you’re on the platform, find me here.
Speaking of sweaters:
I texted this to a friend for a friend of theirs. They had knit a truly stunning allover cabled sweater. Beautifully done, carefully finished, gorgeous to look at, and still not quite right. Wrong yarn, too warm, tight finishing, unworn.
If you have a project (or anything really) that is sitting in that beautiful but not quite right space, I hope this helps:
What an amazing sweater – so obviously knit with so much love and care and skill and gaining skills!
I have come to learn that sometimes the experience of the project is meant to stay within the creating process of the piece. And the finished item is a different item.
There are of course repurposing opportunities but sometimes the completion of the piece completes our journey with it ❤️
And so it becomes two questions: 1) is how to come to a place of acceptance with that? And 2) what to do with the object?
Neither has a wrong answer. Sometimes I think about it like a breakup with someone you love who isn’t quite right and may stay in your life in a different form (maybe in a memory box, maybe as a friend, etc) or may not.
(I speak from much personal experience here – it is heartbreaking to put this much work into something and have it still not work out. That still doesn’t mean the experience was wasted.)
Gaining skills and honing your craft always comes with a string of projects that don’t work. Some are horrific failures, some are amusing failures, and some are so close but still not right. It’s all part of the process.
Highlights from the archives:
In honor of October a Halloween + fall refresh + caring for your sweater selection:
- Style Portals and why I cover Halloween among finding your authentic day to day style
- How to remove balls of fuzz from sweaters & stop looking like a disheveled Muppet
- The siren’s song of the “fall wardrobe refresh”
Current and recent projects:
- WhoWearsWho.com – I’ve been writing, coaching, consulting, thinking, etc on the ways we express ourselves through personal style and what we wear in our day to day lives.
- Talking About Clothes – a podcast that ended up being my Covid project, where I talked about clothes with the people who wear them. We had beautifully thoughtful conversations about the role clothing plays in our lives.
- Working with creative business owners (designers, artists, writers, coaches, consultants, teachers, makers, crafters, creators, speakers, etc) to build and run their businesses.
- Poetry & Practicalities – a growing collection of short essays on living a creative life – the balance between life’s poetry and practicalities.
Excited to share these new things with you. I’ll be back soon with another update.
First glimpses of fall
A collection of the first glimpses of fall from an early September walk in the woods.
We’re at the very beginning of leaves turning their fall colors here. I’m always taken a little bit by surprise how quickly fall arrives once the leaves start to turn – cold mornings with warm afternoons, colorful landscape, crunchy leaves, sweaters, cider, etc.
But before fall officially makes itself known, there are hints and glimpses of the season changing that are easy to miss. Here’s a collection from a few weeks ago, when we were in that time between the end of summer and beginning of fall.
The first glimpses of fall from an early September walk in the woods:
🥾 First walk in boots! Keeping your feet warm and dry is A+. (Even if your feet don’t cramp when they’re cold, like mine do.)
🧥 Wondering “maybe I should have brought a jacket?” but being fine without it. The classic between seasons conundrum.
⛈️ The cool damp smell after the rain. Smells regenerative.
🍎 Hot apple spice tea. Not quite cider weather yet, but getting there.
🕷️ “Do you want this?” Halloween decor texts. Of course I want the spider tea light holders! (Halloween season is also when I got the tray I use to contain my dishes.)
🌬️ Crisp breezes replacing humid ones. And springy forest floors replacing dry ones.
🍂 First hint of a crispy leaf. A single crunch here and there, hinting at the piles of leaves to come.
📙 Cozy (very) early mornings in the dark. And trying to remember where you put your book light.
🌚 Eclipse season.
🍄 Mushroom logs.
🌿 Browning fern forests.
❤️ Red ground berries.
💧 Ending a walk with a half full water bottle instead of an empty one.
🌳 Acorns falling on your head and pinecone sap sticking to your boots.
😅 A sheen of sweat replacing buckets. (Fortunately I didn’t take that jacket.)
It’s collections of glimpses like these that remind me not to rush from one season to the next. They let me savor the moment watching the world turn.
Photo by Mihály Köles on Unsplash








